October is almost here, and that means it’s Domestic Violence Awareness Month (DVAM)—a time to come together, support survivors, and shine a light on an issue that’s often kept in the dark.
When people hear “domestic violence,” they often think of physical abuse, but it’s much more than that. It can include emotional and psychological abuse, financial control, and even sexual abuse. Individuals may also experience stalking, terrorizing, blame, hurt, humiliation, manipulation, and intentional isolation from social supports and family. It doesn’t discriminate—it can happen to anyone, regardless of gender, age, or background. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men will face severe intimate partner violence in their lifetime.
Understanding Different Types of Domestic Violence
Domestic violence is often misunderstood as solely physical abuse, but it reaches far beyond bruises and broken bones. It’s a complex pattern of behavior used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner, family member, or household member. Recognizing the different forms it can take helps identify abuse, support survivors, and prevent future harm.
Here’s a breakdown of the various forms of domestic violence:
Psychological and Emotional Abuse
This form of abuse chips away at a person’s self-worth and mental health. It can include things like: Gaslighting, constant criticism, humiliation, manipulation, threats, and isolation from friends or family.
Verbal Abuse
Words can hurt deeply, especially when used to belittle, intimidate, or control. It can include things like: Name-calling, yelling, mocking, and using language to instill fear or guilt.
Physical Abuse
This is the most visible and widely recognized form. It can include things like: Hitting, slapping, choking, pushing, or using weapons.
Financial Abuse
Control over money can trap victims in abusive relationships. It can include things like: Stealing money, restricting access to bank accounts, sabotaging employment, or forcing financial dependence.
Digital Abuse
Technology can be weaponized to stalk, harass, or control. This may look like: Monitoring devices, sending threatening messages, controlling social media, or demanding access to passwords.
Sexual Abuse
Sexual violence within relationships is often overlooked or minimized. This may look like: Coercion, rape, or unwanted touching.
Risk Factors of Lethality
The most serious outcome of domestic violence is a fatality. Below are some factors that are most commonly present when the risk of serious harm or death exists.
Firearms: When an offender has access to firearms and uses or threatens use of lethal weapon.
Strangulation: Survivor has experienced obstruction of breathing, or there was an attempted strangulation or choking
Threats to harm children: Having a child who is not the offender’s increases lethality and recidivism. Assault during pregnancy increases risk of lethality. Having children present during the abuse increases risk of recidivism.
Stalking: Offender repeatedly calling, texting, or emailing. Monitoring of phone calls, computer use, or social media. Using technology, like hidden cameras or global positioning systems (GPS) to track partner.
The most dangerous time for a survivor of domestic abuse is during or after the period when the survivor is separating or has separated from the offender or has disclosed or is attempting to disclose the abuse to others.
How Domestic Violence Affects Children
Often the focus of domestic violence is on the adults involved, but children who witness domestic violence may experience emotional, psychological, and developmental challenges.
Trauma doesn’t look the same for every child. Some may withdraw, becoming quiet and isolated, while others might act out, displaying aggression or disruptive behavior. These reactions are often misunderstood by adults, who may label them as “troublemakers” or “difficult” without recognizing the underlying pain driving their actions.
According to the National Child Traumatic Stress Network, “Children may learn that it is acceptable to exert control or relieve stress by using violence, or that violence is in some way linked to expressions of intimacy and affection. These lessons can have a powerful negative effect on children in social situations and relationships throughout childhood and in later life.”
In some cases, the trauma can even affect their physical health. Chronic stress has been linked to a range of health issues, including headaches, stomach problems, and weakened immune systems.
Ways to Support Kids During and After Trauma
- Remind kids it’s not their fault
- Make sure kids feel loved
- Explore therapy or counseling
- Model healthy coping skills
For more information on spotting the signs of trauma in children, understanding ACEs and how to help kids cope, visit: A Comprehensive Guide on Childhood Domestic Violence
How To Make a Difference
There are many ways to show your support this October make a difference in your community:
- Wear Purple on October 16th: Purple is the official color of domestic violence awareness. Throw on a purple shirt, scarf, or even nail polish to show your support and get people talking.
- Join Local Events: Visit the Child Advocacy Center of Niagara’s Facebook page to see local events taking place in October, including the Purple Ribbon Walk and Living in Light Art Display
- Spread Awareness: Share posts, resources, and hotlines. You never know who might need to see it.
- Speak Up: Advocate for policies that protect survivors and fund prevention programs.
- Be an Ally: For all the ways to be an ally to someone experiencing domestic violence, visit: https://cacofniagara.org/domestic-violence-how-to-be-an-ally-to-our-friends-and-family/
- Model Healthy Relationships: Show children what respect, kindness, and healthy relationships look like.
If you or someone you know is dealing with domestic violence, help is just a call or text away.
YWCA of the Niagara Frontier: Crisis Hotline: Available 24 hours a day by call or text
(716) 433-6716
National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text “START” to 88788.
Additional resources:
Intimate Partner Violence | The National Child Traumatic Stress Network
A Comprehensive Guide on Childhood Domestic Violence
