The shift back to school brings a lot of changes for families. There are new routines, environments, and relationships. Kids meet new teachers, coaches, bus drivers, and friends. There may be new activities after school, extracurricular meetings, sports practices, or after school childcare. This is also a time when there may be less supervision during transitions: before and after school, between school and practice, or before/after pickup.
About 90% of children who are sexually abused know their abuser. That’s why being a safe adult matters. It’s a year-round responsibility, but the start of the school year is a great moment to revisit what it means.
What It Means to Be a Safe Adult
Listening. When a child shares something upsetting or confusing, it’s hard not to immediately get upset at the situation but showing lots of emotion can accidentally signal to kids that maybe they shouldn’t have said anything, that maybe they are causing a problem. Try to stay calm and listen. Let them know they did the right thing by talking with you.
Believe kids first. Children rarely fabricate stories about being hurt, scared, or uncomfortable. Leading with belief, instead of “are you sure?”, tells a child their voice matters. Thank the child for telling you. Tell them they are brave for speaking up.
Normalize talking about bodies, boundaries, and feelings. Kids who grow up with the language to describe their bodies and emotions are better equipped to recognize when something is wrong and to say so. Use accurate names for body parts, talk about what parts of the body are private, and talk about how no one should ever ask to touch, look at, or take pictures of their private body parts.
Model healthy relationships with other adults. Kids learn what safety looks like by watching how the adults around them treat each other and set boundaries.
Stay engaged with their world. Knowing their teachers, coaches, and friends’ parents, and staying involved in the community around your child makes it more likely you’ll notice if something changes.
Trusted vs. Safe Adults
The Monique Burr Foundation deliberately uses the term “safe adult” instead of “trusted adult,” and the distinction matters. As the organization explains, many children have adults in their lives they trust and many have also had trusted adults who hurt them. Trust alone doesn’t guarantee safety. A safe adult is someone who can and will help a child, and who never breaks, or asks a child to break, the safety rules.
So this year, aim to be more than someone a child trusts, be their safe adult.
How to Bring Up Body Safety with Kids
Talking about body safety doesn’t need to be one, big talk. Body safety conversations can be small, ongoing moments woven into everyday life, especially as kids head into a school year full of new adults and new situations.
Start early. Start with simple, age-appropriate concepts as early as toddlerhood. Teaching correct names for body parts, and the idea that some parts are private, gives young children real language to use if something happens.
Use everyday moments, not a formal sit-down. Bath time, bedtime, car rides, and books about bodies or consent are natural, easy ways to bring up the topic. A casual “hey, remember your body belongs to you” on the way to school often lands better than a serious sit-down that can make kids anxious or feel like something’s wrong.
Teach that their body belongs to them. Kids benefit from hearing, in different ways over time, that they’re allowed to say no to touch, even affectionate touch from relatives, like hugs or kisses. This also means not forcing kids to hug or kiss people to be polite.
Explain the difference between secrets and surprises. Surprises are like a birthday gift, should be fun, and get shared eventually. Secrets an adult asks a child to keep, especially about bodies or doing something unsafe, are a warning sign. This distinction gives kids a simple tool for recognizing when something feels wrong.
Reinforce that they won’t be in trouble for telling. Many kids stay quiet out of fear of getting in trouble or upsetting someone they love. Saying it plainly, “You will never be in trouble for telling me something that happened to your body, even if someone told you to keep it a secret” removes a major barrier to disclosure.
Ask open, low-pressure questions regularly. Rather than one big question, casual check-ins work better over time: “Did anything happen today that made you feel weird or uncomfortable?” or “Is there anyone at school who makes you feel unsafe?” Asking often, not just once, normalizes the conversation so kids know it’s always okay to bring things up.
Watch for changes, not just words. Younger kids especially may not have the vocabulary to describe what happened to them. Sudden changes in behavior, sleep, appetite, or mood; new fears of certain people or places; or a regression in behavior are all worth following up on.
These conversations aren’t about instilling fear. They’re about giving kids the words, confidence, and trust to speak up, and giving the adults around them the awareness to listen.
It Takes a Community
Being a safe adult isn’t only a parenting responsibility. Teachers, coaches, youth group leaders, and other caregivers all play a role in creating safe spaces.
Additional Resources
Monique Burr Foundation: Safe Adults
Darkness to Light: Resources for Families
We Ride Together: Navigating Trust Identifying Safe Adults in Your Circle
When a Child Makes a Disclosure – Child Advocacy Center of Niagara
