When a friend shares something serious, like being hurt or abused, it can be a lot to take in. This is a big and important moment, and it’s normal to feel a mix of emotions.
It is important kids know how to respond in a caring, safe, and responsible way if a friend ever comes to them with a disclosure.
Stay Calm and Listen
When someone tells you they’ve been hurt, try to take a deep breath and stay calm. Your friend might already be feeling scared or nervous, and your calmness can help them feel safe.
- Let them speak without interrupting.
- Show you’re listening by nodding or saying things like, “I’m here for you” or “That sounds really hard.”
- Avoid asking too many questions right away and let them share what they want to share.
Believe Them
One of the most powerful things you can do is believe your friend. People rarely make up stories about abuse, and your trust can help them feel less alone. You don’t need to figure out all the details or “prove” anything. Your job is to listen and take them seriously.
Don’t Promise to Keep It a Secret
It’s natural to want to promise your friend you won’t tell anyone, but this is a secret that needs to be shared with a safe adult. Abuse is never okay, and telling someone who can help is the best way to protect your friend.
You can say something like:
“I care about you too much to keep this a secret. We need to tell someone who can help keep you safe. Who are your safe adults?”
Help Them Find a Safe Adult
A safe adult is someone who will listen, believe, and take action to protect them—like a parent, teacher, school counselor, coach, or another trusted family member.
You can gently suggest:
“Let’s go talk to your school counselor together. They can help.”
Offer to Go with Them
Sometimes, telling an adult can feel scary. If your friend is nervous, offer to go with them for support. Just knowing you’ll be there can make a big difference.
Tell a Safe Adult Yourself if Needed
If your friend refuses to tell anyone, you should still talk to a safe adult right away. This isn’t “snitching”—it’s protecting someone from harm. You might feel worried about your friend being upset with you, but their safety is more important than keeping a harmful secret.
Take Care of Your Own Feelings
Hearing about abuse can be upsetting. You might feel sad, angry, or even confused. It’s okay to talk to your own safe adult about how you’re feeling. Supporting a friend doesn’t mean you have to carry the weight alone.
A Message for Kids:
If a friend tells you they’ve been hurt, you are not responsible for fixing the problem—but you can help by making sure the right people know. Speaking up is one of the bravest and kindest things you can do for someone.
For Parents:
Have open, age-appropriate conversations with your children about body safety, safe adults and speaking up. Let them know they can always come to you without fear of getting in trouble. Remind them that telling a safe adult about abuse is never wrong—it’s an act of care and courage.
If adults are curious about what to do if a child discloses, here is some additional reading on disclosures: https://cacofniagara.org/when-a-child-makes-a-disclosure/
Additional Resources:
Talking to Kids About Body Safety and Boundaries: https://www.d2l.org/resources-for-adults-families/
Safe Adults: https://mbfpreventioneducation.org/safe-adults/
Open Communication & Preventing Child Abuse: https://cacofniagara.org/the-power-of-open-communication-in-preventing-child-abuse/
