School is right around the corner and with the start of the new school year comes big emotions for children and caregivers. The weeks leading up to the first day is a great time to help children prepare by discussing their concerns, and getting back into routines. It’s also a time for caregivers to go over body safety rules with children and continue conversations about boundaries, safe adults and secrets. We are sharing back to school tips for making those first days of school easier, and ways caregivers can help protect their children.
Preparing for the First Day
The best way to help with back-to-school anxiety is to talk about feelings and what it is that is making your child nervous or anxious. HealthChildren.org provides ways to help kids adjust and prepare for the new school year.
If you are able to, take your child to visit the new school or classroom before the first day of school. Attend any orientations you can and take an opportunity to tour the school. Another great idea is to consider taking your child to school a few days prior to class to play on the playground to help them feel comfortable. Remember, it is common for children to get nervous about new situations, including changing to a new school, classroom or teacher.
- If your child seems nervous, ask them what they are worried about and help them problem-solve ways to master the new situation.
- Point out the fun aspects of school starting to help your child look forward to the first day of class. Talk about how they will see old friends and meet new ones, for example.
- Find another child in the neighborhood you child can walk to school or ride with on the bus. Get there early on the first day to cut down on unnecessary stress.
Develop a Healthy Sleep Routine
Getting a good night’s sleep helps with emotions and brain function. Here are some ways to help develop a healthy sleep routine for school from HealthChildren.org:
- Set a consistent bedtime for your child and stick with it every night. Help your child adjust to earlier bedtimes a week or two before the new school year starts so when the big day arrives, they are already in their routine.
- Create a bedtime routine that is consistent to help your child settle down and fall asleep. For example, a calming pre-bedtime routine may involve a bath/shower, reading with them, tucking them in and saying goodnight.
- Have your child turn off electronic devices well before bedtime. Try to have the home as quiet and calm as possible when younger children are trying to fall asleep.
Ways Caregivers can Help Keep Kids Safe
Bullying and Cyberbullying
Communication is key. Talk to kids about important back to school topics like bullying, cyberbullying, and being an upstander.
The Monique Burr Foundation (MBF) has lots of great information on these topics that covers ways caregivers can talk to their kids about bullying, what cyberbullying looks like, and what to do if your child is being bullied.
MBF also teaches kids about being an upstander and how they can help kids who are getting bullied. All of their resources around these topics can be found here: https://mbfpreventioneducation.org/resource/bullying/
Body Safety
Starting school can bring about many new people in a child’s life from new friends, teachers, coaches, babysitters, afterschool staff, tutors, to caregivers and family members of new friends. As adults, we can help protect children from sexual abuse by understanding the problem, talking about the issues and finding ways to reduce the risk.
How big is the problem of child sexual abuse?
Darkness to Light, reports that 1 in 10 children experience child sexual abuse and assault before their 18th birthday. It occurs in every community and across all ethnic, socioeconomic and religious backgrounds. D2L shares that:
- 30% of children are abused by family members.
- As many as 60% are abused by people the family trusts.
- About 35% of victims are 11 years old or younger.
- Nearly 40% are abused by older or larger children.
What does this mean for caregivers?
One of the best ways to prevent sexual abuse is to have age-appropriate, open conversations about bodies, sex and boundaries. Start having these conversations when children are toddlers and keep talking as they get older, all the way through teen years. You can have these conversations when bathing toddlers, or when riding in the car with older kids. Talk about boundaries and model boundaries in your home. Let me know they can come to you if there ever have questions. As kids get older, talk about sex and consent means.
Here are ways to talk to children about staying safe:
Body safety
- Your body belongs to you
- You don’t have to hug or kiss or touch anyone you don’t want to
- Everyone has boundaries and everyone should respect your boundaries
Private parts
- No one is allowed to touch your private parts or ask you to touch theirs and no one is allowed to take pictures of your private parts or show you pictures of private parts.
- Tell a safe adult if this happens.
Safe adults
- Name 5 safe adults who you can tell if something happens to you that is not safe
- Safe adults can live with you bit also name someone outside your home, like a teacher of school counselor.
Secrets
- No one should be asking you to keep a secret that makes you feel bad, scared or uncomfortable. Tell a safe adult if someone asks you to keep a secret.
Darkness to Light has conversation guides to help caregivers starts talks with preteens and teens on these topics: https://www.d2l.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/Pre-Teens-Teens-Conversation-Guide.pdf
How to reduce risk?
Darkness to Light shares ways to help reduce risk of a child being sexually abused.
- Think carefully about the safety of any isolated, one-on-one settings. Make sure interactions with children can be observed and interrupted. Choose group situations when possible.
- Think carefully about the safety of situations in which older youth have access to younger children. Make sure that multiple adults are present who can supervise.
- Set an example by personally avoiding isolated, one-on-one situations with children other than your own.
- Understand that abusers often become friendly with potential victims and their families, enjoying family activities, earning trust, and gaining time alone with children.
- Monitor children’s Internet use. Offenders use the Internet to lure children into physical contact.
If caregivers are able to, these are some additional tips to help keep children safe:
- Pop in on private lessons or tutoring sessions unexpectedly
- Occasionally show up early to pick child up from babysitter unannounced
- Don’t be afraid to remind people who spend time with your child that you talk to your children about boundaries and what to do if someone crosses a boundary
- Ask programs your child is involved in what their plan is to keep your child safe – ask camps about what kind of training their staff goes through.
- Ask your kids questions after you pick them up or after they come home. Ask questions after sleepovers. You can ask like:
- Where did you sleep?
- Did anyone else sleep in the room with you?
- Who else was at the house?
- Did you feel comfortable there?
Know the signs
Prevention is important but it’s also just as important to know the signs of sexual abuse and report it.
Here are things to look out for:
- Physical signs of sexual abuse are not common, although redness, rashes/swelling in the genital area, urinary tract infections, or other such symptoms should be carefully investigated. Also, physical issues associated with anxiety, such as chronic stomach pain or headaches, may occur.
- Emotional or behavioral signals are more common:
- “Too perfect” or overly compliant behavior
- Behavioral problems, physical aggression, non-compliance, and rebellion
- Anxiety, depression, fear, withdrawal, and suicidal thoughts
- Nightmares, bed-wetting, bullying, and cruelty to animals
- Lack of interest in friends, sports, and other activities
- Sexual behavior and language that are not age-appropriate
- Be aware that in some children there are no signs whatsoever.
https://www.d2l.org/education/5-steps/step-4/
Note that it is very rare for a child to lie about abuse. One of the best ways for a child to heal after abuse is having a supportive caregiver.
Reporting child abuse
If you suspect child abuse, call the New York State Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-342-3720 or contact your local law enforcement agency.
In an emergency, call 911.
Want more information?
The Child Advocacy Center of Niagara has trained facilitators for Darkness To Light’s: Stewards of Children training and Monique Burr Foundation’s: Child Safety Matters curriculum. Contact the CAC of Niagara if you are interested in learning more!
